Tamara's Story
Up until early 2005 I was living life. I have four children, two adopted and two natural. I was the soccer mom, and was the homeroom Mom for all the PTA functions at the children’s schools. I worked as a Trainer/Supervisor for two Denver Area Hospitals. The money was awesome and my children had much more than what they could have wanted for.
The only thing wrong with my life was that I had a dark secret in my closet…drugs and alcohol. I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer early 2005. This was the time in which I really became addicted to prescription drugs. Soon I found myself in front of a Jefferson County Judge who gave me 5 years in the Department of Corrections. During that time I became divorced and my children became young adults and my youngest daughter was sent to live with her father. Without my children, I was not only heartbroken and miserable but became hard and cold inside. There was no laughter. I was devastated and full of guilt.
I was released twice out of prison. Once to a half way house where I was using both alcohol and prescription drugs. Only to be regressed back to prison. The second time I was granted early parole only to consume more drugs and alcohol. This was the peak of my addiction. Again I was regressed back to prison. I started to feel and believe prison would become my “real” home. I felt like I belonged there, an overwhelming sense of security.
In 2009 I was released once again from prison on parole with a determination to become clean and sober. I moved out of the Denver area to my Aunt and Uncle’s home in Brush, Colorado. Not being able to consume alcohol and feeling the loss of not having my daughter on a daily basis and my self-esteem being at an all time low. I knew it was time to get my own place and start to put the pieces of my life back together.
I got my own place, however the loneliness and stress of living alone became so overbearing that I once again started using drugs and alcohol. I attempted suicide twice. Thinking I could just numb the pain and run from this life to a God who would heal all my hurts, pains and wounds. I did start to attend both Alcoholic and Narcotic Anonymous. I met a lot of fabulous people and obtained two of the most amazing people as sponsors. The thing was no matter how hard I tried I could not stay sober.
During this time I found out that my 15 year old daughter was pregnant. I could not help but feel hopeless, angry and upset. This was not the life I had intended for my daughter. I knew this was going to become the beginning of my new life. I finally reached out for help. I went to parole and became both humble and honest. I was placed on a ankle monitor, and had to drop double the amount of ua’s a month, now I have to call and check in with parole daily. This gave me back some of the security that prison gave me. My parole officer recommended that I go live at the CHARA house. I packed my things not knowing what to expect but once I got there, I entered into a helpful, supportive environment.
The day after I arrived at CHARA I went to Caring Ministries and met two wonderful, spirit led women!! Both women gave me HOPE and a desire to strive to live and to become self-sufficient and a challenge to obtain my goals. They give me a sense of peace and strength that had been missing in my life.
Today I am awaiting a bed to open with the Department of Corrections Rehabilitation Center. It will be a 2-3 week impatient program. As the date is approaching for me to check in I am both nervous and agitated however with my support I’m able to live today and wait for what tomorrow may bring. Just to live in a moment and enjoy what life has to offer. When I come home from the rehabilitation center, I will come home to my 15 year old daughter and brand new granddaughter. They will be awaiting me to arrive at the CHARA home!